


Six Times the Gang Tried to Cure Lucio and One Time They Didn’t

by RoyalPigeon



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Drug Use, Humor, Medieval Medicine, general cw for medieval medicines being bad, nothing graphic though this is supposed to be funny after all
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-12
Updated: 2018-01-12
Packaged: 2019-03-03 23:30:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13351782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RoyalPigeon/pseuds/RoyalPigeon
Summary: A christmas present for my lovely GF.In lieu of any actual cure for the plague, the renowned doctor attempts to cure a certain counts through more... alternative methods.Like coal, for example.





	Six Times the Gang Tried to Cure Lucio and One Time They Didn’t

**Author's Note:**

  * For [gonnaslapaboo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/gonnaslapaboo/gifts).



The sun over Vesuvia has begun to set, painting the city in colours even more vivid than during the day. The streets were filled with the sounds of a peaceful day ending; vendors putting the leftover wares back into their cars, children playing and street musicians trying to relieve the last shoppers of their coin.  
Over the clambering, the chatter and the music, a particularly perceptive passersby might be able to hear the complaining of a certain count echoing all the way from the castle.

“Just one more leech, Count Lucio.”  
The corners of the doctor’s mouth twitched, but if it was from amusement or disgust, Lucio could not tell.

“You said that ten leeches ago, quack”, he coughed, leaning back into his pillows. “If you want to bleed me dry, you could have just said so.”

Julian exchanged a look with the servant who was standing in a corner of the bedchamber, a bucket of leeches in their hands, and shrugged. “I assure you, the leeches have proven the most succe-”  
“I don’t want to hear it again! It’s not working!” Lucio glared at Julian out of bloodshot eyes, then back up at the ceiling and gestured with his golden hand as if he was swatting a fly away. “Get out of here, and come back when you found an actual cure.”

Without another word, Julian spun on his heel and strode to towards the exit.  
He was almost at the door, when he heard the count yelling behind him.  
“Take these monsters off of me first!”

 

****

 

Even in the early morning hours, there was no quiet in the palace. The clanging pots sounded from the kitchen, and servants scurried through the halls diligently, all making sure that everything would be ready for the residents of the palace as soon as they were awoken by the first rays of the morning sun. But while the dark of night was replaced by the dawn, it seemed like a gloominess clung to a certain wing of the palace.

The servant who had held the bucket of leeches on the day before - this time, they balanced a silver platter on their hand - had a hard time deciding what they found worse: The leeches, or the scene that had been unfolding since long before even the kitchen staff had awoken.  
It must have been, what, three hours into the day when the doctor and the magician had returned from their trip into town, bags full of what they called a new cure. 

From another country, they had said.  
For all kinds of diseases, they had proclaimed.  
He was going to hate it, they had whispered.

Now the magician was kneeling at the foot of the count’s bed - elbows propped up on the sheets, face in his hands, a smile on his face - and the count was coughing black dust onto his pillows under the unfazed gaze of the doctor. 

“Count Lucio, it will absorb the sickness in your body, if you can keep only it down.” Either the doctor did not share the magician’s amusement, or he was better at hiding it.  
“Yes, my dear count, if you would swallow the coal instead of breathing it, it will most definitely cure you!” Surely that wasn’t hard, looking at the joy in Asra’s face.  
The count had noticed it too. “If I find out you are-” a violent coughing fit shook his body before he could continue “If I find out you are lying to me”, he shot vicious glares at both of them, “I will see you both hanged.” 

Now, the doctor was quick to rush to his side. “I swear, it has been used in other countries for decades!”  
“Yeah Lucio, a man drank a whole bunch of poison with the coal and he was fine”, the magician added.  
Lucio choked out another cough and looked up at the doctor with what would have been described a pitiful expression if it had been anyone but Count Lucio. Voice hoarse, he meekly asked, “They… drank it?”  
“Yes, but I was thinking it might be more potent if you consumed the coal in its rawest form…”

As if someone had drained the remaining life out of him, the count sank deeper into his pillows. “You made me eat an entire platter of charcoal.” His eyes closed. “And I could just have drunk it.”  
The magician made a gargled noise that could also have been a barked laughter while the doctor’s face showed a trace of genuine concern. “Count Lu-”  
“Leave.”  
“We-”  
“Leave. All of you.”

The servant didn’t stay to see if they were included in the statement. Maybe they could at the remaining coals on their platter to the kitchen fires…

 

****

 

If Lucio hadn’t wished he was dead before, he definitely wished he was now. He surely looked the part. Strands of sweat-soaked blond hair clung to his forehead, his eyes were even more bloodshot than before, and his skin had taken on the colour of putrid cheese. 

With disgust, he set the bucket he had been retching over for the last hours down on his lap. “Do you want the coal in me or not, quack?”, he snarled.  
Julian did not bother to look up from his books. “It is a new theory, Count Lucio.” He turned a page. “That the human body is made up of four temperaments. Four humours that have to be present in very specific ratios. The disturbance of this delicate balance is thought to be the source of all sickness, of moodiness, and flaws of character.” Lucio could hear the smile in the doctor’s voice. “Did you know that an excess of yellow bile can be the cause of irrational anger as well?” He closed his book and looked up, teeth glinting in the light of the oil lamps.  
“So we need to get it out.”

Lucio’s knuckles turned white as he grasped the bucket once more and regorged another flush of black water. “This stuff is black.”  
“That is the coal, Count Lucio.”  
The count let out a shaky sigh. “How long will this last?”  
“I was sure to choose a thorough emetic, Count-”


End file.
